The Marx Bros. Meet the Three Stooges

I wrote this a couple of years ago, frustrated by the fantasy battles of celebrities and/or fictional characters on the web. My point was that a crossover needn't be a confrontation. I put it here to preserve it, and maybe take credit for it.

***

Scenario: The Marxes must break up a swank party, and are in the basement when
the Stooges show up.)

MOE: You call for some plumbers?

CHICO: No, we-a-no call for plumbers.

CURLY: That's okay. We're not plumbers, anyway!

(Moe runs a hacksaw across Curly's skull)

CURLY: WHOA!, Oh, look!

(The hacksaw blade is ruined. Groucho grabs the blade from Moe.)

GROUCHO: Say, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, ruining a perfectly good
hacksaw like that. Now, why don't you boys get to work?

LARRY: But nothing's broken!

GROUCHO: Don't worry, that won't last.

CHICO: Hey, boss! You think-a maybe they need some help?

(Harpo nods yes enthusiastically)

GROUCHO: Yes, and for agreeing with you, I think maybe I might need help.

LARRY(TO CHICO): You can help me. You know anything about water mains?

CHICO: Sure, I know-a all about waterma'ns. You just gotta spit out the seeds
while you eat 'em.

MOE: Well, we're not gonna get nothin' done 'less' we get some more tools!

(Groucho motions towards Harpo.)

GROUCHO: You kidding? My associate here is like Sears & Roebuck with a bad
haircut!

(Harpo opens his jacket, and a pile of tools come tumbling out.)

MOE: Oh, Boy! Super service!

(Curly looks at the pile in frustration)

CURLY (TO HARPO): This ain't no good! We need something to unclog those pipes!

(Harpo nods knowingly and produces a stick of TNT. Curly reacts in shock)

CURLY: Are you nuts!?

(Harpo looks chastized, then brightens up and produces a bigger stick of TNT, much to Curly's delight)

CURLY: Now, that's more like it! Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk!

(They all start working on the pipes except Groucho, who turns to the audience
and wags his eyebrows.)

GROUCHO: This oughta be good.